Let's go shopping

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Shopping is one of my favorite pastimes. Infact if I feel lonely or sad or bored, shopping is the best medicine to cheer me up. It's also an expensive medicine so I am learning to control my shopping mania. Walking into a store is a terrific feeling, especially if its a big supermarket with lots of items. Seeing several brands of yoghurt, bread, chips, biscuits and ofcourse cosmetics is so soothing to the soul.

I might have decided already on a brand but I still enjoy looking at everything on the shelves. When I go shopping I prefer no distractions, just me and the shopping cart. I try to visit every aisle even if there is nothing I  need there. I like to slow down once in a while and look at something interesting, check out the price, see if its affordable otherwise just enjoy the moment and move on.

I do not like going shopping with men. Not only do they not know to enjoy the experience, they will also ruin it for us. I hate it when my husband tries to hurry me through shopping but since we don't have a car yet and I need the extra hands to carry the groceries, I don't show my disappointment. Sometime back, shopping was kind of an obsession with me but nowadays I control myself and really buy only those things that I really need. That kind of decision making is important otherwise shopping turns into hoarding.

The best people to shop with are friends who have a similar bandwidth as yours. I don't mind going alone to shop either. It's really fun!

Where's my mail?

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Yesterday when I opened my mailbox I found a parcel in it.  That's why I love to check my mail. It's always full of surprises. The mailbox has an element of mystery to it thats what draws people to it. Even in these times, when email is more popular than snail mail, I prefer snail mail to email.
Handwritten mail, has a part of the person in it. The envelope, the paper, the writing all those have a part of the person in it. An email conveys messages too, it feels too electronic. I wish more people used snail mail. Gone were the days when  you opened your mail box and found thick envelopes stuffed with letters.

I never leave out an opportunity to write to a person. When we came to the US, I told amma that I would write to her regularly. But we talk to her everyday on skype so writing does not make sense. Today I talked to a very good friend of mine and she said she feels lonely and misses her friends. I also asked for her mailing address so that we could write to each other.

I totally do not like electronic greeting cards, I don't even bother to open it. But receiving a greeting in the post is really terrific. I love to send greeting cards to my close friends.
Some years back, Christmas meant getting a lot of greeting cards in the mail nowadays people don't send cards in the mail. But I do plan to send some greeting cards this christmas. It's really exciting even if I don't receive any.

I think we should use the snail mail to share our feelings with our friends. Receiving a letter in the post is the best feeling. Why don't we try to write our mails to add an extra touch of personality?

Missing my girlfriends

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Friendship is a beautiful thing. When I was in college, I had lots of special friends with whom I spent a lot of memorable times. We went shopping, we cooked, we swapped stories, we watched movies, shared gossip and did almost everything friends would do. Then later on, when we finished college we went our separate ways but still kept in touch once in a while. After my marriage, the calls decreased when my focus changed to married life. Then when my little girl was born, I was so busy with work and family that I totally stopped calling most of my friends. They called me once in a while but I was mostly busy to call them back.

Now I am in the US. All my friends are miles away from me and though I am busy with housework and raising my kid, I do have some free time as well. I see people spending time with their friends at the pool, the mall or at the park. I miss my girlfriends so much. I wish they were here so I could tell them a lot of things, go shopping with them and just have fun.

Everyone has lots of friends. Some friends are the ones we can really relate to and share everything with. Other friends are not so close, we know them, we can talk to them but we don't really want to share everything with them. I usually don't find it so comfortable to talk with the not so close friends. When I feel guilty about not having called them, I call them but I would prefer to get their voicemail rather than talk to them directly. With those kind of friends, I run out of things to talk about and it gets awkward after a while.

Some people don't bond on the same level as others. With some people there is this large communication gap and weird moments of thinking about what to say next. When its my close friends, I never run out of things to say and want to hear all about them. I never feel uncomfortable with them and I feel sad when our time together ends.

I wish my best girlfriends were all near to me and we get to share those beautiful times together again.

The battle with the bottle

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For me this is a very complicated and sensitive topic. Inspite of that, I have always wanted to write about it. My writing on this topic is not from a general perspective meaning not due to something I see on the television or read in the papers. Rather it is from a very personal experience and point of view.

I know several people close to me who are addicted to alcohol. They have lots of justifications. Some people say they are drinking because they are sad and then there are the people who drink when they are happy, there are also the people who drink when they are either happy or sad. Majority of the drinkers are in the latter category. Some of them when confronted say "I had only one. I stopped" or "I can stop whenever I want. I will stop next month" or "I had to give company to my friends, what would they think?". They drink for bachelor parties, for reunions, marriages and deaths. The excuses are unending and most of the drinkers don't even think what they are doing is a big deal. When they are drunk, some of them talk a lot or show a lot of affection, some of them spit out verbal insults, some of them get physical. But in all the cases, one thing is common, when they are drunk, they refuse to see anything wrong with their situation and if you confront them when they are sober, they don't want to talk about it.

I have seen personal tragedies and there is another side to this alcoholism other than the person who drinks, the people related to the drinker.I lost a cousin to alcohol and so did my husband. Also I know many people who are so deep in it that they can't get out of it. They are drowning in the one thing they embraced to erase their sorrow. What they don't realise is that drinking doesn't remove their problems, it just adds one more to their list.

There is nothing more painful than seeing the family of the person who is addicted to alcohol. Theirs is a story of sadness, insecurity and pain till the end of life. Men are supposed to be the anchors of the family, the physically stronger sex who should provide security and be the person the family members can lean on. But when they get addicted to alochol and just pass out, its the family that loses its strength. They realise that they can no longer rely on a person who can be easily tempted to take alcohol and can pass out at any time. Their tears are neverending, mothers crying about their sons, wife's worrying about their husbands and children losing contact with their fathers.
Alcohol is evil and I only wish people would realise that. The government may say verbally that you can't drink but all I know is that they make sure that there is enough alcohol available for everyone to drink. They love the money they are getting out of it, they don't care if people's lives are ruined or they get killed.

Alcohol advertising is banned in India, so they just show ads of Kingfisher club soda or other things that remind people of alcohol brands. The alcohol industry spends considerable amount of money to increase consumption and brand loyalty. In the US however they are allowed to show ads related to alcohol, they just say "drink responsibly" at the end. What exactly does drink responsibly mean? People who are addicted to alcohol are not going to change their drinking style just because they say "drink responsibly".

If you notice, alcohol ads are so colourful, full of rhythm, stylish and they appeal to the younger audience. Alcohol education should be a must in all schools. Students should not only be taught about the ill-effects of alcohol, they should be shown real videos of homes that are brought down by alcohol. They should be shown videos of people who have lost livers or have other diseases because of alcohol. They should be shown the worst situations, teaching is not enough. They have to know what would happen if they went through with it.

The concerning part is that now a lot of ladies are also taking to alcohol. The best things parents can do for their kids is not drink themselves and not expose them to drinking. I have seen that if none of the family members drink and they have a good relation with the kids, a large majority of such kids will not take to alcohol. Because they have their family to talk to them when they have a problem. The family members should be open, allowing their kids to tell them anything they want. That way kids will feel safer and comfortable coming to you with their problems and telling you about what is happening in their lives. Families contribute a lot to the drinking habit. We can't stop everyone but we can do the right thing. It's our decision.

Please say 'NO' to alcohol.

The birth of my daughter

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I see mothers writing birth stories and I realise that it is something so unique that each mother has her own different story. A birth is such a beautiful thing, an amazing miracle of love. I would like to share the birth story of my daughter Anu.

When I found out I was pregnant, it was so exciting. I couldn't wait to tell my husband, mother and mother-in-law. It felt so special. That was just under 3 months and I didnt feel any changes yet but knowing that there is a tiny little life in me was such an amazing feeling.

Back then, I was in India and was working for a software firm in Trivandrum. My husband was working in Cochin so we got to see each other only during the weekends or on holidays. Every Friday, I would wait for it to become 5:30 so I could catch the train for cochin. Even after I became pregnant, it was the same routine. I would always have a good novel (usually a mystery novel), some snack, water and friends. The train was always exploding with people going home to their families after a heavy week of work. Getting on the train was like the hardest thing. Most of the time, the compartments would be overflowing with people that we had to squeeze through to somehow find a safe place to stand. Even after I got pregnant, I did do the squeezing for a few weeks but then later on I realised that it may not be the safest thing to do.

Then I started booking the A/C compartments which would always have space for me to climb into without too much hassle. That way, the journey home was still comfortable and exciting.
Then on Sundays I would again ride the train to get back to Trivandrum. That was the worst. I still remember how I felt. Ever since my marriage, I had travelled to Trivandrum from Cochin on Sunday nights. But the increasing amount of experience that I had in this travel did not decrease my sorrow of leaving my husband behind. That feeling was so unbearable but I had no choice but to go. But a  day after I got back to Trivandrum, I would feel better and relaxed once again. The cycle repeated itself over and over.

I want to tell you about my in-laws. They are the best parents anyone could hope for. After I completed 4 months of pregnancy they decided that they didn't want me to travel such a long distance anymore. So they came to stay with me at Trivandrum. We got a nice apartment in a very convenient location and that gave me some very good memories. That way, I didn't have that Sunday sorrow about leaving everyone behind. It was my husband's turn to do the travelling. He would come to Trivandrum on Fridays and leave on Monday mornings. That was sad too but the intensity was lower since I still had family with me.

The stay at Trivandrum was really nice. My mother-in-law (I call her 'amma') would cook all my favorite dishes and when I come back from work, all three of us would go for a walk so that I got my daily dose of exercise. Those were the times when I really bonded with them.

Then when I had completed 8 and a half months of pregnancy, I took my maternity leave and we all went home to rest and prepare for the delivery. Two days before the expected date, I got admitted to the hospital. But when my doctor checked she said I wasn't ready and asked me to wait. We went back to the room and waited. In the evenings, we walked in the corridors to help make me ready sooner. But whatever we did, the doctor still said I wasn't ready.

Then 2 days later, I had a little pain and they admitted me to the maternity ward. But once again, they said I had to wait longer. So I lay down in the ward and everywhere around me, pregnant ladies were taken into the labour room and they all had their babies and went their ways. I was the only one who was just lying and waiting. After a while, it really started to bug me. Later on as night progressed, I fell asleep. My mother noticed that I was asleep and realised that I wasn't having the pain anymore. So at midnight, she called my doctor and the doctor said that I should have a C-Section since it would be risky to wait any longer. So I quickly got dressed in white and got wheeled into the delivery room. Outside everyone waited praying for a safe delivery. They quickly put me under local anaesthesia and I felt really drowsy and kept dozing off.

Under the anaesthesia, I totally lost control of my thoughts. I couldn't even remember why I was there. Then after what seemed like a few minutes, the doctor told me I had given birth to a baby girl. Several days later, I wished I had just looked up to see how she was immediately after she was born but at that time I was going in and out of consiousness that I couldn't even think straight. After the procedure, I was taken to the ICU and given oxygen. Again I dozed off. Sometime later my mom brought her to me.

That was the moment when we connected. She was so tiny. I wasn't fully conscious and I couldn't get up because of the pain. I didn't get a proper look at her but whatever I saw, was magic and it was love. That moment transformed me completely. Seeing my bundle of joy brought tears to my eyes and after my mom took her away after I fed her, all I wanted to do was see her again.

Till the moment I was taken into surgery, the first person on my mind was always my husband. All I wanted to do was see him but after giving birth, the first person I wanted to see was my little daughter. If that is not a miracle what is? I had seen her for under a minute and here I was already attached to her. And I do feel sad to admit that my husband has indeed taken second place, something I thought would never happen.

Anyone who is a mom knows the moment and unless you are a mom, whatever you imagine will never even take you close to the real feeling. Its the be'st feeling in the world.

Now Anu is 2 years old and a cute and naughty little toddler but however old she grows up to be, she will always be my baby girl.

Where pedestrians are king!

Currently I stay at Boulder, Colorado. When I first got here, I was so surprised by the beautiful sidewalks that this district has. It is so conveniently and thoughtfully done. Having sidewalks is so important. If there weren't sidewalks, we would have to walk on the side of the road always having to be worried about the traffic. The sidewalks are really relaxing and a great place for joggers and cyclists alike.

I personally like the convenience it provides me. I have a 2 year old and often I take her in a stroller. The sidewalks are so good that kids can have a terrific and smooth stroller ride. Also sometimes when she wants to walk, I can let her do so without worrying whether she will wander on to the road. Since there is a strip of lawn between the sidewalk and the road, its not easy for kids to wander off the sidewalk onto the road.

The sidewalks are so well planned, they dip where we have to get off. In most places where there are stairs, there is also an optional way to go up or down like a slope, so we don't have to fold or carry the stroller. Until now, I have had to lift the stroller on to stairs only in 2 situations and that too only because I didn't want to use the other way.

I  think more places should keep the convenience of pedestrians in mind and follow the example that this award-winning pedestrian district has set.

Bringing hell into the kitchen

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I'm sure you are curious about what I'm going to say. Well, its all about the television series, "Hell's Kitchen". A kitchen brings to mind a whole lot of things like the smell of great food, mom's special recipes, cakes and cookies, washing dishes, the refrigerator filled with yummy stuff and so much more. But one thing a kitchen does not remind me of is 'hell'.

Two days back when I watched the episode of "Hell's Kitchen" it was a competition between the red and the blues serving dinner to a restaurant with real guests. The pressure put on both teams were so huge. They were tensed and were rushing to get their dishes ready. After a while, I realised I began to get really worried. Chef Ramsay was yelling at people, throwing food at them and literally swearing. The competing chefs were too tensed to get things right. Their catfish was undercooked or overcooked and they took a lot more swearing for that.

What I felt is that, when you are trying to do something important and if someone stands by your side and keeps swearing and yelling at you, you will definitely not be able to do a good job. I don't think I would survive in such a kitchen for more than a few minutes. I like peace and quiet when I do my cooking. Even my child crying in between is so much of a distraction that I would give her whatever she asks for to keep her happy.

Gordon Ramsay is a expert, a head chef who has a lot of experience. He started cooking at the age of 19 and has come a long way since. He pays special attention to quality and expects the team members to understand the importance of it. I'm sure anyone who goes through Hell's Kitchen without giving up will be able to put up in any stressful situation.

But is cooking stressful? Is it supposed to be about yelling, swearing and high blood pressure? Chef Ramsay may have his reasons but I dont think cooking should be portrayed as a scary experience. Cooking is to be enjoyed. I'm not a chef so I don't know if chefs who work in big hotels and restaurants feel the same way. I do like the quality that Chef Ramsay brings to the show and I enjoy watching the show as well, but I could do with a lot less yelling.